i sat there talking to his unresponsive face. i could hear myself talking, i know he saw me talking, but it was as if he turned the volume down on my voice and painfully sat there as if stuck in a bad movie, disinterested but could not escape for politeness to the other viewers. he tunes me out, i think he does that a lot.
thursday night i watched him open the car door for her and help her step out.
as he closed the door behind him and walked across the street, i was still sitting there in my seat putting my cd faceplate in the glove compartment, i opened my own door and helped myself out, and walked across the wet street. i had on my gold lame tights and leopard-print gold heels. i carried my gold clutch and my eyes were framed with golden sparkles, gaudy gold ring and a gold necklace hung sneaking into the v of my sweater. my head was still screaming at me from all the vodka i drank the night before and my stomach was in knots.
there was a pair of fake plastic tits sitting on the kitchen table when we walked into the house. immediately i picked them up and tied them over my own "skittle" titties, as my roommate calls them.
every time my roommate goes to the salvation army they buy these old, raggedy, totally creepy dolls and gives them names like bev and tris.
as i looked at myself in the mirror with the plastic tits on, i contemplated breast implants, that is until he said under his breath "thank god." i then decided to not enlarge my breast but to completely remove what tits i had. cut them off, nipples and all! that’ll show him.
sometimes i think about getting my tubes tied and not telling him and acting all shocked and confused, like "i have no idea why we aren't getting pregnant."
i thought it would be funny to ask him if he wanted a hot blow job or a cold blow job. i blew cold straight air on the crotch of his pants and then with my full mouth exhaled slow warm air. i then took it out of his pants and began to actually suck on it, but he was more interested in the hugh grant romantic comedy that was on the television, so i left.
later he sang this song:
"get your butt soapy and rub it with your lover, rub it with your lover, with your lover with your lover with your lover, would’ya love her would’ya love her would’ya lover her, if she had a penis. get your butt soapy and rub it with your lover.”
so i got high and sang:
“da baby and da bitch, da baby and da bitch da baby and da bitch. bitch and a baby,”
as i danced with one of the creepy dolls with blonde braids.